I watched the world mourn the loss of many influential people this year. The ones I can remember off the top of my head I recall having major notoriety were the likes of Adam Yauch, Nora Ephron, Dick Clark, etc… But the difference for me personally is, while I understood and respected people’s feelings about the loss, I had no real connection to it. I was not influenced by any of those people. None of them made me feel something. And it’s simply a matter of timing. I didn’t grow up in the era of those artists. I’m 23, my influencers in theory are still in their prime.

And then Tony Scott committed suicide yesterday.

Now I hurt, bad. Tony Scott was a filmmaker I not only looked up to, not only respected, not only idolized, but was also greatly influenced by. Not only is Tony Scott the grandfather of the modern action movie style, not only is he the reason my favorite directors have a true sense of style today, but he made the stuff that in my dream world, I would love to make.

Big, fast paced, high octane films that left you appreciating the movie going experience. I grew up on that shit. I still remember the first film of his I saw. It was a TNT Saturday morning re-run of Enemy of The State. Which is still an absolutely brilliant thriller. The first one I saw in theaters was The Taking of Pelham 123. And then Unstoppable. I remember how excited I was for his next project after I saw Unstoppable.

When I heard the news of his death, I teared up. That’s never happened before. And the aspect of it being suicide makes it 100x worse. News is now out that he had inoperable brain cancer which gives an explanation to the suicide, but that wasn’t known last night. The confusion of why an artists that active, that has scores of projects currently in development, would suddenly commit suicide seemingly out of the blue is something I couldn’t understand and partially didn’t want to.

I now understand what the rest of the world felt with the loss of so many of the other artists from this year. I now understand why they lit candles, linked to youtube video after youtube video, grabbed every song they could off iTunes, I now understand what it feels like to be gut punched by a person you never met but felt like you knew.

I’m going to miss Tony Scott the way many miss Yauch and Ephron.

I’m gonna go pop in my Unstoppable blu ray now. Thanks for listening.